Lost and Insecure
by screwsimplicity
Summary: Even though Nick and Jeff seem to be normal guys on the outside, inside they are hiding who they really are. Neither thought they would open up to anyone, but then they find each other and everything changes for the two. Rated M for later chapters. Niff.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first fic, so I may be a bit rusty in this stuff. But I will take any and all criticism, so feel free to review if you'd like. Happy reading!  
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**Disclaimer: As awesome as that would be, I do not own Glee or any of it's characters**

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><p><em>Nobody really is who they are on the outside. Everybody has a story. Even the people who throw up their walls, refusing to let anyone in to find out anything about them. People who use fake personas, to cover them up. To cover up their pasts. These people usually have the most intriguing stories. The ones who always seem like they have something to hide. The ones who block everyone out, and keep their emotions trapped inside. They have stories. But these stories, are the hardest to read. The hardest to get a hold of. There's the thrill of the chase. Man often seeks for it their whole lives. But one specific story, usually. One of someone that is truly cherished to the other. They feel like this person- no matter their ethnicity, gender, religion, or sexuality- is one they need to know. One who's story is sought after, but piece by piece. Slowly, the puzzle comes together, and their story is known. Someone know carries every piece of them, and can easily break them if they so wished. But, who knows if the odds will end in everyone's favor?<em>

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><p><strong>Nick<strong>

Dalton Academy was a rather large place, especially to a kid like Nick. Everything made the already small boy, feel even smaller than he had ever felt before. It felt like every step he took closer inside the school made him shrink. He looked out into the ginormous foyer- that still wasn't halfway full, even with the dozens of families compiled inside- and wondered if there was an end to it. Maybe the marble floor spread out for miles, beyond the stretch of his young imagination. Maybe he would be able to explore it someday, and be able to see every inch of it. Besides, he had four long years ahead of him in this place. Might as well do something to do distract him.

Suddenly his thoughts were cut off by a firm hand landing on his shoulder. Nick jumped a little, looking back to see whoever was behind him. He sighed, relieved that it wasn't some kind of kidnapper or something. He looked at his step dad, Kyle, who was putting on a sincere smile.

"You excited, kiddo?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. The boy shrugged slightly, looking at everything around him through the corner of his eye, trying to let it soak in. The place was a bit overwhelming to him at the moment. His step dad must of noticed him look around at everything, apprehensively, because he chuckled to himself a bit before replying, "Don't worry about it, I'm sure you'll fit in here fine. And you'll get used to it," He crossed his arms over his chest, before leaning down closer to Nick.

"But hey, I'm sure it will be a lot better than public school." As soon as mentioned it, the young boy shuddered, just thinking back to his experience in a public middle school. And how if Kyle hadn't pulled a few strings with the administrators here, he'd be going to the same school as his brothers. The thought of it made him cringe. It wasn't like he had gotten enough crap from them at home, but having to tolerate them all day was one of his worst nightmares. But, being a freshman, his nightmares weren't as deep, and terrifying than others. He still had the reoccurring nightmare that he'd show up to school in only his underwear.

"And besides, this place has a zero-tolerance bullying policy," he stated, reassuringly. Nick looked at the marble floor, and at the God awful shoes he had to wear with his uniform. He breathed slowly, trying not to let his mind wander to things that he had shoved in the back of his mind, to not be brought up for a long time. Until that time when he could finally trust someone.

Kyle was the only person in the world that he had somewhat come to trust. The man had been there for him since he married his mother, and the boy had his back since then. Sure, he was a very nice, and caring man, but he didn't know how to pick his women right. He had chosen his mother, for God's sake. His mother the drunken sleaze who was pretty much crazy in Nick's mind. Kyle just thought she needed help, and he could help her. But he couldn't, and he knew that. He only stuck around for him, because he could actually help him.

So he helped him get through the grim times, and was able to send him here. Where he was away from all of those bad things. And now once again his train of thought was interrupted. This time by a microphone screeching loudly, earning a loud groan from the crowd of families surrounding him.

"Good morning everybody, my name is Mr. Craig Shrekenghast and I am the headmaster here at Dalton Academy,"

Nick heard the sounds of a few boys snicker at the odd sounding name, as people shushed them and there was silence. He raised an eyebrow, disapprovingly, before clearing his throat and continuing to speak.

"Here, we ensure you that you're children will be in great care. As most of you know, we have a zero-tolerance policy against bullying, so you're boys are sure to be safe," He continued on with his speech for a while, but the brunette tuned him out, looking at the other new freshman around him. Most squirmed uncomfortably, rolling their eyes subtly, and waiting for the speech to finally be done so they could escape their parent's grasps.

Soon enough, he heard the sounds of claps, as the headmaster walked away from the podium he had been standing behind, and introduced someone else who came up to the podium, a stack of papers in hand. She gave a genuine smile, and pushed her oval glasses up on her nose, as she looked down at the stack of papers.

"Alright, so I'm Gail Hartsfield, your counselor here at Dalton. I don't want to go into details or anything, because I know you boys look anxious to get started here. But I would like to say that we are very sorry that we have not announced roommates sooner, and we thank you in advance for your consideration." She licked her finger, flipping through the pages to the one she needed, and looked out at the horde of people, to see if she still had their attention or not. She looked back down at the papers, and moved her face closer to the microphone. "So, let's see, dorms. Up in our freshman dormitory, we have Mr. Anderson, and Mr. Montgomery, Mr. Ball, and Mr. Haltom..."

Some of the boys suppressed a groan, knowing this was going to take forever to get to their names. Nick waited patiently for his last name to be called, rocking back and forth on his heels. "Mr. Duval and Mr. Sterling..." he heard, looking around to see if any of the boy's heads snapped up as he heard his name being called. It was too hard to see, and he gave up, trying not to cause too much attention to himself by having to stand on his toes to see anything.

Soon enough she had finished rattling off the names, and dismissed them to head to their rooms, already stated on the schedules they had received in the mail a week before. Before Nick could escape, Kyle turned him around, and gave him an unexpected hug. "Good luck, bud," he said, his voice breaking a bit, like he was trying not to cry. Nick furrowed his brows a bit, not really liking that he had to be wished luck. Like that was going to reassure him of anything. "Don't hesitate to call me if you need anything," he added. The freshman nodded, before receiving another hug, and wriggling his way out of his arms, and followed the swarm of teenage boys to the dorm.

He fished his schedule out of the pocket on his blazer, and unfolded it. The boy scanned the page to find where his dorm was on the map on the back. He traced his finger over it, looking up occasionally to see if he was dangerously close to anyone. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, trying to figure out where the map was leading him. Apparently everyone around him were as confused as he was, since they all had the same looks on their faces. At least he wasn't the only one here that was pretty much helpless at this point.

It took him several minutes, and the guidance of a few other freshman to figure out where his dorm was. He tucked his schedule back in his pocket, and opened the door. Nick peeked inside wondering if his new roommate already beat him to their room. When he saw nobody inside, he shrugged, and closed the door beside him. He looked around at everything, taking it all in. _Damn. _Nick thought. _Even this room is big. _

It was much larger than his room back at home, and everything seemed a bit intimidating. The cieling was high, and there was a large regal looking rug on the floor. A few pieces of antique looking furniture were scattered accordingly across the room. He walked around, opening a few drawers and things, just to get the feel of it. He might as well get used to everything now since this was going to be his home for the next few years. The boy smiled at the thought. Now he didn't have to put up with his family. He was _safe_.

The pleasant feeling spread through him for a moment, as he sat down on his bed. Well, he assumed it would be his bed, since his suitcase with all of his stuff in it was already there. He had totally forgot about his baggage in all the excitement of getting here, and didn't notice all of the other boys carrying their own. Kyle must have brought it for him, to save him the trouble of having to drag it all the way over there. He smiled, and opened the suitcase slowly, looking at the contents inside. He had everything he needed, and now he didn't have to worry about anything.

Except maybe his roommate.

Nick didn't know what to expect. He imagined all the possibilities that living with a complete stranger would bring. His mind kept drifting off to expect the worse in this new experience, but he stopped himself. He couldn't think like that. Everything was supposed to be great. He was in this new school, where no one knew who he was, and that was just fine with him. Hopefully he could get a good reputation here. Or at least, a good enough one where he had some friends. People who actually cared. After all, only having one person seem to care about you in you whole fourteen years of life, you get lonely. All he wanted was a friend here, and he hoped more than anything that at least the person he'd be living with for four years would be his friend.

But right now, that didn't matter. He would try to meet some people and make friends later. Right now he had to get settled in.

He got everything out of the bag, and put them where he wanted them. He figured the other boy would figure out where he wanted his stuff, and they could compromise. But right now, he just needed to have everything put somewhere, so he could finally feel somewhat comfortable in this place. Nick plopped down on his bed, when he felt a loud noise outside of his door. It sounded like people fighting. He resisted the urge to open the door and see what was going on, and just sat there, staring at the door. Like staring at it would make the noises go away, but it didn't. Soon it just got louder, then silent as the door swung open.

Nick jumped at the sound of the doorknob crashing against the wall, hoping that the impact wouldn't make a dent or something. He didn't want to get in trouble for trashing their dorm on the first day. He saw a boy standing in the doorway, but couldn't quite make out what he looked like until he got into the light. The other boy staggered inside, the silence his entrance brought filling the room and making the brunette feel a bit tense. Soon he got into the light, and he could make out a frown on his face. He wondered if it was him fighting with his parents outside the door that made him look out so sad. But as soon as he could blink, a grin flashed on his face. Whether it was genuine or fake, he couldn't tell, but he didn't really want to delve into anything more.

"Jeff Sterling has entered the building!" the blonde boy laughed, throwing his hands up in the air, dropping the bags in his hand. "You may bow down to my superior awesomeness!"

_That kid sure knows how to make an entrance._ He thought, rolling his eyes._ And I have to spend four years with this guy._

Little did he know, this could possibly be the person who would change his life forever.

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><p><strong>AN: Hope you guys like it! Reviews are always welcome, so feel free to send me one. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

****Hey everyone! I would just like to give a big thanks to everyone for all of the awesome comments! You guys make my heart go WHEEE! Anyway, Happy Reading!  
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****Disclaimer: As awesome as that would be, I do not own Glee or any of it's characters****

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><p><em>First impressions can say everything about a person. If you deduce them correctly, that is. But it's hard to do any of that when the person they're putting on is fake. A mask covers their face, and suddenly nothing is known about them. Walls are thrown to hide something. Whether it's the past, or the present, or anything in between. Most won't get to know the real person behind bars, but a certain someone will realize that the other is not being genuine. That's the thrill of the chase. Most are too lazy to find out, but there will be one person in particular in everyone's lives who will go to the ends of the Earth to tear down those walls completely. But, who knows if they will end up with that person in the end?<em>

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><p><strong>Jeff<strong>

"Please mom, can I just go now?" the blonde pleaded, as his mother towered over him, holding onto her son's arm rather tightly. Her long, slender fingers wrapped around the entirely of his tiny arm. She drew her long, professionally painted fingernails into him, causing the boy to flinch. Sure, he had felt her nails actually dig into his skin and draw blood, and this shouldn't hurt as much as it should through his sleeve, but it did. His arm was still sore from what happened before they had left their house an hour earlier. Actually, his whole body was sore, but he didn't let the pain get to him so much. He was used to it.

"You know, you don't have to go." his mother replied, sternly. Jeff furrowed his eyebrows, trying to pull away from her, when she tightened her grip on him. "But I want to go, you know that." he pleaded. His father's nostrils started to flair a bit like they did whenever he got mad. He knew this was a bad sign. But now that it was going to become a public thing, that was the worst thing he could imagine. Jeff knew his father better though. He wouldn't get on him too much in public, that would just ruin his reputation even more. Or maybe he'd be considered the hero by teaching the kid a lesson. Because Jeff had just embarrassed him daily by being himself, why shouldn't he be punished?

"There is nothing good about going to a private school. Normal boys go to public school." his father said, bitterly. "You want to be normal. You are _not_ normal, son. And you've showed me this on several occasions, such as the banquet for the returning employees of National and their families," he added. Jeff rolled his eyes at the memory. His parents had been upset over him engaging in conversation with other people, and being himself. Which apparently just embarrassed them, and angered them. He was surprised they'd remember, after all the wine they had drank, making them numb and uncaring. Making it so they felt nothing as they almost took their son's life away.

_No._

He couldn't bring himself to think about that. Not again. It had been one of the worst nights of his life, which was saying a lot compared to all the other nights... _No._ He stopped himself from letting the thoughts take over him. He couldn't let himself go there. Especially not in public, in front of his parents. "Yes, I remember, _father_." he hissed. "But you know," he raised his voice, getting angry. "This way you don't have to have the disappointment of the family around." Honestly, Jeff didn't care who heard. Everyone would know it was true soon enough. He wasn't worth anyone's love, or for anyone to care about him. He learned that the hard way.

His father didn't deny it. He was the one who had told Jeff that he was a disappointment constantly, while his mother agreed, but did nothing to stop what usually came after the same lecture of how ashamed his parents were of him. "Well, maybe it _is_ better that we shove you in this place," he shoves him a bit, but not enough to cause a big diversion, and his mother lets go of his arm. "So maybe you can straighten up and become the son that I can be proud of!" the older man bellowed, standing tall over the helpless freshman.

Jeff shrunk as he noticed people in the hall starting to watch this go down. Hopefully nothing would happen, because if it did, he would melt down like he always did. Then his father would get even more mad for some reason. He didn't want or need anyone to see that. He quickly devised a plan to get away, and glared up at the man above him, whose breath fanned over his face. He could smell the stench of scotch on his breath, and wrinkled his nose. _Great. Now he's drunk._ he thought. Nothing good ever came of him being even slightly intoxicated.

"We'll just have to see about that, old man." he spat out, before slipping away from where he had been pushed against the wall, and opened the door to his dorm. He didn't realize that he had actually flung it open until he heard the loud crash, and the door almost hit him on it's way back. He wanted to just slam it behind him, but he didn't think his new roommate would really like that. So he pulled in his suitcase behind him, and closed the door gently. For a moment the blonde just stood there, trying to recollect himself. He was so close to falling apart, but he couldn't let anyone, especially the kid he'd have to live with see him like that. Ever. Especially that this was going to be his first impression of Jeff, so he had to make it good. He had to look like a person who wasn't broken.

So he threw up his walls that were starting to crumble around him, and put on a mask that made it look like nothing had happened out there. He put on a big smile as he stepped into the light, to where he could see his new roommate.

"Jeff Sterling has entered the building!" he laughed, trying to make it sound real. He threw his hands up in the air, and dropped the duffel bag he was holding in one of his hands on the floor, also letting go of the handle of his suitcase. "You may now bow down to my superior awesomeness!" he chuckled, and let his face soften. "Hey, I'm Jeff." he held out his hand for the brunette to shake. The other boy was hesitant to take it, but when he did, he shook it violently. "What's your name roomie?"

"Nick." the other boy replied, laughing and shaking his hand with as much force. The blonde finally let go, and gave him a genuine smile. Lately, most of his smiles had been fake, but this one wasn't. It felt odd to actually smile. His summer had been pure hell, and he couldn't quite remember the last time he was even a little bit happy. He was glad to be away from his parents, and that he was making Nick laugh. He always used to love making jokes and goofing around, and causing other people to smile. He sort of thrived off of it.

"Good to meet ya, Nick!" he chirped before turning around and picking up his bags. He lifted the duffel bag over his head, and turned back to his roommate. "Any specific places where I need to put my stuff? 'Cus I mean, I don't know if you're one of those OCD people who have to have everything in one place like separate from their stuff, or anything." he raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"No, no. Anywhere is fine," Nick replied, rather awkwardly. He squirmed a bit where he was sitting, but Jeff didn't pay much mind to it. He nodded, and moved to put everything on his bed. As the brunette did before him, he opened his bags, and went through all of his possessions. He pulled out all the things that went together and put them in little piles on his empty bed, so he could put them up, when he felt a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up a bit, and he froze in place. It felt like someone was watching him. More specifically that Nick was staring at him.

Jeff could feel himself cringe under the supposed gaze, but he tried to suppress it. This felt weird. Nobody ever stared at him. He wasn't much of something to look at, anyhow. He wasn't attractive. Nobody would ever see him like that, or want him. So why was Nick staring?

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><p><strong>Nick<strong>

Nick knew something was up. He knew it as soon as Jeff walked in the door. He figured it was him and his parents fighting outside, but he had come inside with a smile. There was no way that could be real. Who could possibly look so chipper after fighting with someone? He thought that he could see right through him as soon as he got close enough to him. He himself had put on a fake persona many times before, so he was a pro at figuring most people out, without letting his own guard down. But somehow, this kid wasn't as much as an open book as others. His walls were much thicker, and his mask was harder to penetrate. Normally this would irritate him that he was so naive as to not see through people, but now it was different. Now he just wanted to figure out this kid even more.

Suddenly, he realized he had been staring at him, and had been tuning out pretty much everything he had just said. He squirmed a bit when he noticed that Jeff caught him in the act.. He quickly turned his gaze away from him, and up at the ceiling, begging that he'd just turn away already. He let out a silent sigh of relief when he finally turned his attention to sorting out his belongings.

Nick found his eyes wonder over to the boy again, as if looking at him would make those walls disappear. But he knew that it wouldn't. Jeff wouldn't be an easy one to crack, he could tell already. How he already knew was beyond him, but he had this strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was also mixed with the growing desire to figure him out, to make him open up. He had no idea why he wanted to pursue him so suddenly. It had been a completely foreign concept to him, and he wasn't sure if he liked it or not.

But that would mean opening up. Getting to know someone else meant having to let the other person know you, and care about you. He didn't know if he wanted to risk that. Especially to someone he had just met a few minutes ago, and probably thought he was a crazy person. But maybe it would be worth it, letting someone in. Trusting someone with his emotions. Learning to trust... _together_.

_Together_.

He liked the ring of that. He had never really had someone to do things with. To be something with. But he was getting ahead of himself. There was a fifty fifty chance that Jeff wouldn't want to have to do anything with him, and despise him. And he wouldn't blame him if he did. There were so many things wrong with him, and he deserved to be outcast. But he still had a small hope inside of him that he could make friends. And maybe he could learn to trust, and be happy.

Suddenly, he realized he had been staring at him, and had been tuning out pretty much everything he had just said. He squirmed a bit when he noticed that Jeff caught him in the act.. He quickly turned his gaze away from him, and up at the ceiling, begging that he'd just turn away already. He let out a silent sigh of relief when he finally turned his attention to sorting out his belongings.

Nick found his eyes wonder over to the boy again, as if looking at him would make those walls disappear. But he knew that it wouldn't. Jeff wouldn't be an easy one to crack, he could tell already. How he already knew was beyond him, but he had this strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was also mixed with the growing desire to figure him out, to make him open up. He had no idea why he wanted to pursue him so suddenly. It had been a completely foreign concept to him, and he wasn't sure if he liked it or not.

But that would mean opening up. Getting to know someone else meant having to let the other person know you, and care about you. He didn't know if he wanted to risk that. Especially to someone he had just met a few minutes ago, and probably thought he was a crazy person. But maybe it would be worth it, letting someone in. Trusting someone with his emotions. Learning to trust... together. Together. He liked the ring of that. He had never really had someone to do things with. To be something with. But he was getting ahead of himself. There was a fifty fifty chance that Jeff wouldn't want to have to do anything with him, and despise him. And he wouldn't blame him if he did. There were so many things wrong with him, and he deserved to be outcast. But he still had a small hope inside of him that he could make friends. And maybe he could learn to trust, and be happy.

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><p><strong>Jeff<strong>

Soon Jeff shook off the creeping feeling of Nick looking at him, and emptied his suitcase and duffel back out completely. He turned around to see him still looking at him, and waved a hand in front of his face. "Earth to Nick? Heeeeello?" he raised an eyebrow, then the boy seemed to snap back into reality.

"Sorry, blanked out there for a second." he replied, lamely. Jeff smirked and wiped away a pretend drop of sweat from his brow. "Phew! Good to know you weren't just staring at my ass there for a second," he chuckled. "But it is pretty spectacular, if I do say so myself." he joked, spinning around and wiggling his behind in the other boy's face. He honestly had no idea why he was being so foolish. He didn't even know if Nick was gay or not. If he wasn't that'd be extremely awkward. But he guess he was willing to do anything for the laugh he had heard before.

He felt the corners of his lips curve into a devilish smile as he heard the other boys laughter behind him. Nick had a nice laugh, he decided. He liked it. As he listened to him, he could feel his cheeks start to burn. This startled him a bit. Jeff never blushed. Nothing had ever compelled him to blush. Also, nothing ever compelled him to have this weird feeling in the pit of his stomach, which he couldn't decide whether it was a good or bad feeling. He felt his guard being let down a bit as he spun around, hoping that the tint in his cheeks wasn't too noticeable.

"Sooo," he said in a sing sing voice. "You wanna do something? I mean, after I get situated in all." he asked, hopefully. Might as well do something to cure the boredom that was evident. And maybe get to know this guy a little better. There was just something tugging at his insides, wanting to be friends, since he never really had any before. He wanted to have the experience of having someone to do things with, but wasn't too keen on having to open up. But he figured he'd cross that bridge when he got to it. Right now he just needed to do something.

"Sure. What do you have in mind?" Nick asked, licking his lips. Jeff scrunched up his face in concentration, trying to think of an activity they both could do. He didn't really know what all there was to do around this place, especially things that they could do together. He didn't know how or what to do with other people. He usually did everything by himself. The blonde racked his brain for something that he had brought to do that he could do with Nick. Suddenly he got an idea. His face lit up at the thought of it.

"We could watch Finding Nemo!" he suggested. He mentally kicked himself for not thinking of it earlier. It was his go-to movie. Whenever he'd feel sad, happy, sick, or just plain bored, he would watch it. It had never gotten old for him, ever since he first watched it when he was a little kid. He loved it. "You ever seen it?" he asked. It didn't really matter what the answer was. He would make him watch it with him if he liked it or not.

"I don't think I have." the brunette replied, shrugging. Jeff gasped. "Oh my god, Nick!" he sputtered. "You simply have not lived until you've watched Finding Nemo!" he said in mock shock, dramatically placing a hand on his forehead. "You have to watch it, omigod." The blonde took Nick by the hands and pulled him up from where he was sitting. "Getting all this together can wait." he pulled him with him as he rushed to grab his copy of the movie. He scooped it up in his hand, and twirled the other boy around. He turned on their TV, and popped the DVD into the DVD player, not realizing he was still holding his hand.

Jeff turned back to him, and grinned. "This is a momentous occasion, young Nicholas. I think I need to break out the video camera so we can play back your reaction to this glorious movie." he teased, clearing off a space on his messy bed for them to sit. He sat down, letting go of his hand, and waited for Nick to do the same before grabbing the remote. He bounced up and down on the bed, giddily as he sped through all of the previews. He didn't take his eyes off the screen until it got to the main title, and he paused it. He turned to the smiling boy, and grinned.

"Are you ready for this?" Nick nodded, rolling his eyes playfully. "Are you sure, because this movie is seriously going to change your life forever." Nick nodded once more, and Jeff laughed.

"Alright, here we go. Where you're wildest fantasies are brought to life, and where everything is colorful, and magical, and-"

"Jeff. Just play the friggin' movie already, would ya?" Nick laughed. The other boy complied and pressed play, as his eyes widened with wonder as the opening credits started to roll.

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><p><strong>AN:** **I hope y'all liked it! Feel free to review!** **Look forward for Chapter 3 to have some fluff! Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey howdy hi everyone! I hope y'all are ready for some fluff, because I sure as hell am! Happy Reading!  
><strong>

****Disclaimer: As awesome as that would be, I do not own Glee or any of it's characters****

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><p><em>"No. No, you can't. Stop! Please don't go away! Please? No one's ever stuck with me for so long before! And if you leave, if you leave... I just, I remember things better with you! I do! Look! P. Sherman, forty-two... forty-two... I remember it, I do! It's there, I know it is, because when I look at you, I can feel it. And-and I look at you, and I... I'm home! Please. I don't want that to go away. I don't want to forget."<em>

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><p><strong>Jeff<strong>

Jeff couldn't explain why he loved this movie so much. His parents had told him that he needed to grow up and stop spending all of his time watching a little kid movie. They said it wasn't normal for a teenage boy to be so interested in a movie that even 5 year olds tired of watching. But he didn't care what they thought. Nothing he had ever seen had identified with him as much as Finding Nemo did. He wished he could be able to explain it to himself after seeing it all these times.

Maybe it was that he felt like Dory sometimes, or maybe Nemo. He just felt so lost most of the time, that he didn't know what to do anymore. Secretly, he wished he had someone like Nemo's dad to go to the ends of the earth to find him, but it was obvious his parents weren't about to do it. They would do just the opposite. They would go to the ends of the earth to get rid of him if they could, and they tried to every day. But obviously it didn't work, because he was still there with them, as much as he wanted to just run away. But he never knew what he was doing, and wouldn't know what to do with himself if he left.

And so if they wouldn't do it, why should he expect anyone else to? He deserved to be lost and never found again. He had so much more than just an injured fin. Unlike Nemo, he felt like he deserved the hurt. He deserved every pinprick of pain, every lash of the belt, every drop of blood he lost, all of the sleepless nights, _everything_. He didn't know exactly why, but he did. Jeff shook the thoughts out of his head, and turned his attention back to the movie. He tried to watch it, but couldn't. The same thoughts kept slowly slipping back into his mind, and he could feel his walls being penetrated.

Jeff tried desperately to get them back up again, hoping that Nick wasn't watching him having a little mental breakdown. Suddenly he could feel the other boy's eyes on him again, and he darted his eyes back to the screen. He kept his eyes locked on the screen for a while -not really taking any of the movie in- in hopes that he would stop looking at him with those eyes. _God_, those eyes. They were giving him a worried look, then the look of comfort. Like he was willing to comfort him, and be his friend. It felt even weirder than when he was staring at him earlier. The look made him feel like someone cared, and was worried about him for once. But that was preposterous. No one would ever look at him like that. No one would actually care about him. Especially someone he just met. He knew that for a fact. He didn't deserve someone to worry about him, or comfort him whenever he had one of his meltdowns. So why did one glance make him feel like there was someone who actually cared?

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><p><strong>Nick<strong>

At first, Nick was all into the movie. He was pretty excited to be watching it, and even more excited to see he was giving Jeff some kind of genuine pleasure by watching it with him. He leaned on the wall behind him as he let his legs dangle over the edge of the bed as the opening credits rolled. He wondered why Jeff had liked this movie so much, anyway. It seemed like most normal teenage boys didn't always get so excited about little kid Disney movies. But then again, he knew that this kid wasn't a normal teenage boy. From what he could tell, he seemed to be somehow _better_ than them.

He glanced at the blonde out of the corner of his eye and noticed him start to look around the room axiously, and shift in his seat nervously. He couldn't help but look at him now, to make sure that he wasn't having an epileptic seizure or something. He looked at him worriedly, hoping that there wasn't something seriously wrong with him that he hadn't told him about. Once his eyes darted back to the screen he realized that he had been staring at him, again. He was probably creeped out by him already. Nick sighed silently, turning his attention back to the movie, glancing back at him once in a while to see if he was okay.

Once he saw he was watching the movie again, and not freaking out anymore. Nick smirked when he saw his eyes light up, and a goofy smile spread on his face. He looked like a little kid opening something up on Christmas morning. It was _adorable_. _Woah. Did I really just think that?_ His blushed a bit, looking away from him before he caught him. He had to admit it though, Jeff was pretty cute. But he couldn't get ahead of himself. He didn't even know if he was gay. And besides, he had just met him. There was no way that he could be developing a crush _now_. Not possible. He just thought he was attractive, is all. A lot of people were attractive to him, so what?

They said nothing to each other for a good portion of the movie. They caught each others glances occasionally. _So he's looking at me too?_ he kept thinking, feeling himself blush at the thought. But other than the occasional look, Nick kept his eyes glued on the screen, becoming completely involved in the movie. Soon the part where Marlin and Dory came upon the shark's lair came up, and out of the corner of his eye, he could see Jeff's eyes widen with fear. He suppressed a chuckle as his face grew even more terrified. Suddenly the other boy pounced on him, burying his face in his shoulder.

"I hate this part," he whispered. His hot breath tickled when in fanned across his neck, and that made his heart start to pound rapidly in his chest. "It's okay," he coaxed, absentmindedly stroking the blonde's hair. The boy looked up at him, his mask somewhat broken. The corners of his lips twitched a bit, as if trying to decide whether to smile or frown. He gave him a broken smile as he peeked back at the TV cautiously to see if the coast was clear. Nick smiled down at Jeff as he let out a small sigh of relief and turned his attention back to the movie, resting his head on the brunette's shoulder, which made his heart flutter once again. But somehow, he could see that he wasn't really paying as much attention as before. It looked like he was thinking about something, but he wasn't sure what.

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff<strong>

_Oh my god, oh my god, oh my **god**._ He repeated over and over in his head as soon as he looked back at the TV. There was no way that was real. Nick didn't push him away. He didn't reject him. In fact, he had tried to comfort him, and just pulled him even closer. Jeff couldn't tell if this was a good or bad feeling. Hell, he wasn't sure if any of this was even real. Nick _cared_. He was willing to coax him, and make him feel better. But he couldn't tell if he had liked it, or hated himself for even giving him the opportunity to get closer to him. But then again, he felt sort of _free_.

Jeff couldn't remember the last time he felt like someone cared for him like how Nick seemed to care about him now. He wasn't sure if anyone ever cared, even when he was a small child. None of his relatives ever seemed to like him as much as they did his cousins. Even back then he didn't have any friends. He guessed they just all knew he was unlovable from the start, and just started showing him how he didn't deserve someone else's love or any sort of affection. But here Nick was, showing him that he cared and all of it was crazy. He didn't deserve anyone who was as good as the other boy was to care. He had been telling himself this for years, only convincing himself further that it was true. But now, he couldn't help himself. If only for one night, he wasn't going to deny himself this.

He closed his eyes for a second, trying to push the bad thoughts into the back of his mind, and focus on the movie. He opened his eyes again, and absentmindedly nuzzled closer to the brunette. He felt his heart flutter as he did so, and looked up to see the other boy's reaction. Jeff saw him continuing to watch the colorful fish swimming around on the TV, but soon saw a tiny smile on his face as he bit his lip to try to stop it from spreading. Just then he could feel his cheeks start to burn again, as well as seeing the other boy blush.

This felt so right. Jeff didn't know how to explain it, but in this moment, everything felt right. Like everything was fitting into place, and God he was loving it. He could identify the feeling in the pit in his stomach now that it was a good feeling. An elated feeling that seemed to spread over his whole body. He tried to contain himself from bursting with pure joy, and finally started to pay attention to Finding Nemo. Jeff felt his face fall a little as he realized he had finally tuned in at the sad part at the end of it. During this part, he always wished he had someone to hold him while he felt like crying. Now he realized that maybe now he did have someone. Taking a chance, he reached out for Nick's hand.

"Don't be afraid to cry. This part always-" His eyes shot wide open at that point. He had just reached out for his hand, and taken it in his own when he felt an electric shot go through him. Jeff blinked incredulously and found himself looking back up at Nick, and looking in his eyes to see the same stunned expression as he probably had.

_He felt that too._

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><p><strong>AN: I hope you guys liked this chapter! Review, review, review! Chapter 4 will be longer, I promise!  
><strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Ello everyone! I would just like to inform you that I have the biggest smile on my face right now because of your fantastic comments! You guys are the BEST! Alright, so I hope you like this chapter. Happy Reading!**

****Disclaimer: As awesome as that would be, I do not own Glee or any of it's characters****

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><p><em>The higher you build the walls around your heart, the harder you fall when someone tears them down. It is one of the strangest feelings known to man, but somehow it makes you feel like you want to fly. To soar up into the clouds and never come back down. It is a wonderful high<em>, _and it feels like no other. But those walls are there for a reason. You don't want to let anyone in. Yet, here they are, making you believe the impossible. You try to stop it, but it's like a drug, and you can't help but be pulled back into their arms if even for just one last moment._

* * *

><p><strong>Nick<strong>

_What **was** that? _He looked at the other boy, bewildered. It was like a surge of electricity went right through him at the simple touch. And apparently Jeff felt it too. It was probably just one of those little shocks that his brothers used to pass onto him after rubbing their feet along the carpet. He kept telling himself that. It was nothing out of the ordinary.

Nick expected his heart to stop beating so damn fast already, but it wouldn't. He could feel his breath hitch as the blonde kept looking up at him, and down at their hands, clearly trying to sort this all out in his head as well. Then the other boy bit his lip, his chest heaving a little more than it should. He could see that he was clearly trying frantically to build up the walls he had kept stable for so long.

Nick wasn't sure why he had to do that after that little shock. It wasn't like something as simple as that would make him fall apart, unless... Unless maybe there really was something more in that. Like something from one of those cheesy romantic comedies. But he couldn't put his finger on it. He was too busy denying that he actually was feeling those sorts of warm, gushy feelings after only knowing Jeff for a few hours. It wasn't possible.

Soon the internal conflict ended as soon as he felt Jeff laced their fingers together, and watching the rest of the movie like nothing ever happened. He was fine with just forgetting the ordeal and enjoying the rest of his day, but his mind couldn't help wondering back to the shock, and the fact that Jeff was practically cuddling with him, and why won't his heart stop beating so damn fast?

He could hear him start to sniffle a bit, and he couldn't help but smile a bit. Without even thinking, he rest his head on top of Jeff's, and squeezed his hand. He couldn't deny himself this anymore. Maybe he wasn't sure of anything else right now, but he was sure that he felt more comfortable in this moment than he ever had before. Everything just felt like it was supposed to be like this. And how their hands were supposed to fit perfectly like this, and that it was okay for his heart to be pumping blood through his body this fast. And now, he knew what it was like to feel _safe_ and _wanted_, and it was great.

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><p>Since then, Finding Nemo became their little tradition. They watched it almost every night after they were done with their homework. And every single time they watched it, Jeff would grab Nick's hand again. Both of them still curious to figure out what that shock was, and if it would come every time. Unfortunately it came only once, and they were both disappointed, but then they made things better. Once they got closer and closer, it got less awkward for them to cuddle up with each other. They were best friends, so it wasn't very out of the ordinary for them.<p>

They did everything for each other, as well as doing everything together. They went out to get coffee together, and found their own little private places around campus, not really caring that they didn't have that many other friends than themselves. They had each other and that's all that mattered. But, Nick had to confess that it would be nice to have other people to talk to sometimes. He was afraid that if he only had Jeff, he might explode. He might confess all of his feelings for him and ruin everything that they ever had. Then he would have no one. He couldn't risk it, he just couldn't.

Jeff was afraid to do the same thing, ironically. But just then, he still wasn't quite sure of his feelings. He was still trying to not let him in so much. If he did, things could go terribly wrong. He would just run away from him, seeing the real him. And no matter how much he didn't want to admit it, he couldn't lose him. He was his first and only friend, and the one person in the whole entire world that cared about him.

Soon all the clubs started up, including the Warblers which Nick was all too enthusiastic to be in. Maybe this activity could help him get more friends so he wouldn't feel so alone like he did at times, even when he had Jeff. He finally talked his way into getting his roommate audition with him, despite the fact that the blonde profusely insisted that he wasn't much of a singer, but he couldn't resist the puppy eyes that the brunette gave him for the whole entire day.

From then on, it seemed like everything changed. Both of them made it into the Glee club, and each got new friends to hang out with. Over time, Jeff started to feel more distant, as he felt Nick start to slip away from him. He couldn't help but feel that he was losing his best friend, and that devastated him. So he slowly fell into a depression, wishing that he hadn't been so stupid as to put all his feelings on the line like that for him to easily crush. To say the least, it sucked.

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff<strong>

Jeff went on with that day like he had for all the other days since he could feel himself being more distant from everything. He went to all of his classes without saying a word to anybody, counting down the minutes until school was over, and he could go back to his dorm and relax. Or at least, he hoped he could relax. Tonight was their annual movie night. They had it every Friday night at precisely 6 o'clock, ever since the beginning of the school year when they decided this was going to be their thing. But now, it really wasn't their thing anymore.

Sure, Nick would show up, but lately he didn't seem as into it as he used to. He wouldn't pay attention to the movie or give his humorous commentary like he used to. And now he didn't cuddle up with him as much, which probably hurt him the most. But he knew it was coming. Soon enough he'd get tired of him and throw him away. But he understood. He was unlovable after all. He was so broken and messed up, why would he ever get someone as amazing as Nick to care about him? To love him?

But tonight he was determined to see if they could ever be friends again. He knew he wouldn't ever miss their movie night, he promised. So tonight they were going to watch Finding Nemo. They hadn't watched it in a while, and he was starting to miss it. He hoped that watching the movie with him again would trigger _something_ in him. _Anything_. He was kind of desperate.

As soon as Jeff got into his dorm, he searched frantically to see if his roommate was in there. He wasn't. Of course he wasn't. He was probably off doing homework with his new friends. But right now he didn't care about that. All he cared about was him showing up at around 6 o'clock. He made haste to get his homework done. Once he was done he got up and went through almost all of his clothes to find something to wear. Normally he wouldn't care much about his appearance, because Nick didn't care either way, but now it was different. He had the overwhelming urge to look good tonight, even though they were just going to stay in their dorm for the night.

The blonde finally decided on a certain graphic t-shirt that the other boy happened to say he loved, and tried to figure out what pair of skinny jeans made his ass look best. He fiddled with everything for half an hour, before he felt comfortable with how he looked, and skipped over to their microwave to make popcorn. The clock on the wall read 5:50. _He should be here any minute_. He thought as he listened to the kernals pop in the microwave. He wondered what had gotten over him to make him be like this. He knew that he was trying to get him back, but he didn't expect that he'd be going this far with it. It wasn't like they were going on a date or anything. The boy snorted at the thought. Who would ever go on a date with him? No one, that's who. Especially Nick.

Jeff was taken out of his thoughts as soon as he heard the loud beep from the small appliance, signaling that the popcorn was ready. He took it out quickly, then felt an sharp, hot pain in his hand. Realizing it was the bag, he tossed it back and forth in his hands without thinking, then tossed it on his bed. It probably wasn't the best idea to take it out without letting it cool, but he was too anxious to use his common sense right now. He pulled out his DVD collection, and took out Finding Nemo, and stuck it inside the DVD player. 5:58.

He took the popcorn bag cautiously and went to go pour it into a bowl, when the clock struck six. He turned his head swiftly to the door, anticipating Nick to stroll right in, but he didn't. The blonde started to worry now, but shook it off as he sat down on his bed and waited. A few minutes went by and no one came in. He kept checking his phone to see if he got a text. _He's just running late. He'll be here. _he tried to convince himself. But as the minutes kept going by, he felt himself losing hope.

Jeff sat there for almost an hour, just staring at the door, when he finally gave up. _Of course. Of course! _he shook his head wildly, and felt himself start to shake. He expected this. Nick didn't even care at all. He had found new friends, and left him behind. He probably just completely skipped their movie night this time. He didn't forget. He just didn't care! The blonde wanted to scream, but he resisted. Instead he just curled up into a ball. He tried to hold himself together so he wouldn't fall apart, but he could tell he was so close to it. He was so close to breaking like he had so many times before. He thought that maybe for once that he could be happy, and not have to do this anymore, but clearly he was wrong.

* * *

><p><strong>Nick<strong>

Nick had waited all day for this. He and some of his Warbler friends had planned to get together tonight, but to do something different than they usually did. Usually they would go out for coffee or pizza or something, but apparently they weren't going to do that tonight. They wouldn't tell him what they were going to do actually, which made him even more excited to be doing it.

As soon as the final bell rang, he rushed out of class to get all of his stuff together from his locker when his friends Trent, Ethan, and Evan came up behind him. He turned to them with a smile on his face. "So what are we doing tonight, guys?" he chirped, when suddenly he was turned around and blindfolded.

"Guys... guys! C'mon!" Soon enough he felt himself being pulled somewhere, and being guided down a flight of stairs. "Where are you guys taking me?" he demanded. "You'll see," Trent replied.

Soon enough he felt himself being sat down, and the blindfold came off of his eyes. He blinked a few times, trying to adjust his eyes to the darkness. "Where the hell are we?" he asked. The other boys sat down across from him, not answering his question.

"We need to talk." one of the twins -he couldn't tell who exactly- replied. Nick sighed exasperatedly. "About?"

"Let's just call it an intervention," the other twin smirked.

So for the next few hours they talked. That's all they did. They started with some awkward small talk about homework and the new song they had learned in Warblers practice that day when Trent interrupted. "God guys. We're not here to talk about that crap," he said, making the two other boys snicker. He turned towards the confused boy. "Nick, hun. We're here to talk about how in love you are with Jeff," Ethan and Evan tried to suppress their laughter, but failed as the brunette looked at them, bewildered.

"B-but, I-I... I'm not?" he stammered, accidentally making it sound like a question. The three boys looked at each other, rolling their eyes.

"You so are,"

"Am not," Nick replied, crossing his arms and glaring at the trio. This argument went on for a little while, when he finally gave in and said, "Well, maybe a little. It's just a stupid little crush, so what? And he's my best friend, and that's all he's ever going to be."

They spent the rest of their time talking about Jeff and him, giving him advice, and teasing him a bit. Trent pretty much was in charge of the whole conversation, squealing like a little girl about how cute of a couple they would be and about how much he "shipped" them, whatever that meant. He even tried to explain it to Nick, but he stopped listening after a while. His mind kept wandering back to Jeff. Maybe they were right. Maybe he was in love with him. But he was probably going way ahead of himself. He didn't even know what it felt like to be in love. Everyone in the romantic comedies he used to watch always said that when you were in love, you'd know. So he assumed he didn't. It was just a stupid crush. A stupid crush that would amount to nothing.

From what he could tell by how dark the sky was when he looked out of the window in one of the main halls, a few hours passed while they were down there. He gave the boys a quick goodbye before heading off to his room to pass out. He made his way inside and it was completely dark. He assumed that it was because Jeff already went to bed, when he heard the sounds of him gasping for air. Nick frowned, and tried to adjust his eyes to the darkness once again, and saw the boy shaking and holding himself.

The brunette felt his heart drop, and his stomach clench at the sight. Soon the gasping stopped, and he could see that the other boy tried to stop crying in hopes that Nick wouldn't see him. He knitted his eyebrows together, wondering what had set him off like this. He usually didn't do this. Suddenly he spotted the empty case for Finding Nemo sitting on his nightstand, and a full bowl of popcorn next to the microwave. He froze, realizing what he had done. He had been so caught up with the guys that he forgot their movie night. The boy felt his face drop, as he nibbled his lower lip. He felt _horrible_.

Nick sat on his bed, burying his face in his hands. He just ruined everything. He knew that movie night was their special thing, and obviously Jeff was really upset about it. He laid down on his bed, closing his eyes tight as the other boy's sobs became louder. He ground the heels of his palms into his eyes, feeling his stomach cave in on him as the sickening cries became more shrill and desperate sounding. The brunette wished he could just hold him right now and apologize profusely, but didn't know if that would make things worse.

Taking a chance he turned on his side, facing the blonde. "Come here," he said, shakily. He could hear the other boy sniffle, as he turned on his side. Tears soaked his face, and from what he could tell his eyes were bloodshot from crying to much. He looked desperate. Desperate to be held, and to feel cared for and wanted. Nick opened his arms out in hopes that he wouldn't get shot down. Jeff's eyes watered a little bit more as he helped himself off of his bed, toddling over to the other boy's bed. He scooted back to make room for the other boy, and felt his slender arms wrap around his waist, nuzzling his face into his chest. Nick smiled sadly, and wrapped his arms around him tight, pulling him closer. Just then he started to shake, and tried not to break down again. He stroked his hair, resisting the strong urge to place a soft kiss on his forehead.

"It's okay, Jeffy. I'm right here," he whispered. Just then the blonde started to break down into a fit of sobs again, and he rubbed his back soothingly.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, closing his eyes. He wished he could just kiss him and tell him everything was alright. He wished he could just make him feel better, and he just wished he could tell him how much he meant to him. But he couldn't.

And he never would.

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><p><strong>AN: I hope you liked this chapter! The angsty stuff if always just so much fun to read isn't it? Feel free to review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**CAUTION: THIS CHAPTER HAS MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS  
><strong>

**Hey everybody! First off let me just say AHHHHH! You guys are literally the greatest! Anyway****, I swear you guys read my mind. Hopefully this chapter satisfies your needs. Also one more thing, I got back really late from my "daycation"** **yesterday, so I didn't get to writing this chapter right when I got back, but hopefully this isn't too late when you read it! I NIFF YOU! Happy Reading!**

****Disclaimer: As awesome as that would be, I do not own Glee or any of it's characters****

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><p><em>I don't know you<em>  
><em> But I want you<em>  
><em> All the more for that<em>  
><em> Words fall through me<em>  
><em> And always fool me<em>  
><em> And I can't react<em>  
><em> And games that never amount<em>  
><em> To more than they're meant<em>  
><em> Will play themselves out<em>

_ Take this sinking boat and point it home_  
><em> We've still got time<em>  
><em> Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice<em>  
><em> You'll make it now<em>

_ Falling slowly, eyes that know me_  
><em> And I can't go back<em>  
><em> Moods that take me and erase me<em>  
><em> And I'm painted black<em>  
><em> You have suffered enough<em>  
><em> And warred with yourself<em>  
><em> It's time that you won<em>

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><p><strong>Jeff<strong>

Falling apart was never a fun time for Jeff. It really isn't for anyone, but for him it was always a traumatic experience for him. But he figured tonight that he'd just let himself fall apart, with just a small pinch of hope that _someone_ would come and pick up the pieces and put him back together again. But of course no one would. Especially the person who he wished would. And just like that, he could feel what little hope he had left crumble as his whole body shook, and his throat tightened as he sobbed.

His whole body became weak as he wrapped his frail arms around himself. He didn't want to be broken anymore. He didn't want his parents to think he was a complete disappointment. He didn't want to come home to them being drunk or drugged up, and be welcomed with the sting of his father's belt. The blonde shook his head wildly. He couldn't let those thoughts take over his body once again. Tears flowed freely down his cheeks now, burning against his raw skin as they made their way down.

God, he just wished that he could be in Nick's arms again. He always knew how to make him feel like he mattered, and that he was cared for by at least one person in this world. But he knew that probably wouldn't happen again. The other boy deserved to spend his time with people who weren't as screwed up as Jeff was. He didn't deserve someone as amazing as him to love him.

Just then, it seemed like his prayers were answered when he heard Nick enter their dorm. The blonde tried to control his emotions for even just a minute, but failed completely. He knew that he wouldn't even care that he was having an emotional breakdown right now. He didn't even say anything to him. Knowing this, he really didn't care if his roommate saw him like this. It didn't matter anymore. _He_ didn't matter. He never did.

Suddenly his breath hitched when he heard Nick's voice. "Come here," he said. Jeff turned to his side, facing him. He inspected the other boy's face. His eyes were big, and sad. Like he was sorry for everything. Sorry for skipping out on their movie night, and not being there as much as he used to. The blonde couldn't believe it though. He couldn't believe that he was genuinely sorry. The feeling just felt so surreal to him. He looked back at him, seeing that there was also a streak of realization in his eyes too. He couldn't quite see what his realization had been, but it made his heart tighten in his chest for some reason. It felt like he was sharing that same enlightenment, but he still couldn't quite put his finger on what it was.

Jeff hesitated to get up from his bed when he saw his friend's arms open for him to climb into. But he managed to pick himself up and crawl into those arms that he had so desired to be in. He slipped his arms around him, and buries his face into his chest. For the first time in a very long time, he feels like it's okay to cry. It's okay to fall apart. And Nick doesn't mind. Nick _cares_. The two lay there for a very long time without saying a word. The blonde's cries fill the silence in the room and he clings onto his best friend as though his life depended on it. As if they were each others anchors to keep the other stable. To keep each other _safe_. Both of them always wanted to feel safe, and to feel like someone was there for them, and now it felt like they had finally found the one person who would give them all of that and more.

The blonde gasped for breath, feeling like he couldn't cry anymore. His stomach clenched as he closed his eyes, his body going limp in the other boy's embrace. Finally he stopped breaking down, and his breathing started evening out. But his heart was still beating wildly in his chest and he didn't know why. But for the moment he didn't want to worry with it. Jeff lifted his head and laid it on Nick's chest, looking up at him through misty eyes.

"Are you still my friend, Nicky?" he whispered, feeling his throat tighten as he thought of the possibilities of answers that he could reply with. The other boy looked a bit shocked that he would even ask.

"Of course! Why would you even think that I-" he cut himself off there, and bit his lip. "Oh." his voice got quiet. "Jeff, I..." he shook his head, trying to figure out what he was going to say. "I'm sorry. I really am. I just got swept away by the guys I guess." he added, lamely. Jeff looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. "I just thought that I needed some friends to fall back on if someday I lost _you_. Which I probably just did, and I'm really sorry and I don't ever want to lose you because I really care about you because you're my best friend and I lo-" the brunette was cut off there when Jeff caved in and hugged him tightly.

Never had he ever thought someone would actually say that to him. He never thought anyone would ever be upset if they lost him, especially the person who he had seemed to not care about him at all during the last few weeks. It was amazing feeling, and he could feel his walls come down without regret or care. He didn't have to put them up for him. And he didn't want to.

"You didn't lose me. I'm right here," Jeff whispered in his ear, smirking. "And if you won't go, I won't go. Deal?" he asked, pulling away from him, lifting his pinky. Nick rolled his eyes playfully, but still wrapped his pinky around the other boy's.

"Deal."

Jeff got a big smile on his face now as he looked into the brunette's eyes. He couldn't believe any of this was even happening. He didn't lose his best friend, and for the first time in a long time he was _happy_. But that happiness would only be short lived when he realized something. Nick hardly knew anything about him or what he had been through. He needed to know. The blonde knew that he'd never usually do this, but this was different. Right now he was wearing his heart on his sleeves, and his walls weren't coming back up anytime soon, so he might as well.

"Nicky, we need to talk."

* * *

><p><strong>Nick<strong>

He got a fluttery feeling in his stomach as he said that. What did he want to talk about? Just then a whole rush of possibilities rushed into his mind of what the _hell_ he could have wanted to talk about. He wasn't sure if he was ready to talk yet. Why couldn't they just lay there, embracing the warmth and comfort in each others arms, and nothing else? Nick nodded slowly, trying to swallow the lump forming in his throat.

"Go ahead," he whispered.

Jeff took his hands like he had so many times before, and sat up. He pulled him up with him, their fingers still locked together. The other boy didn't look at him though. He just stared at their hands, nibbling on his bottom lip. Nick just wished he could lift his chin up to look at him. Then their faces would be so close together. They would just stare at each other for what seemed like forever, and there would be a moment where the blonde would look away from him, and he would guide him back to reality and kiss him. And he would pour everything into it, and suddenly Jeff would understand how much he meant to him, and how much he cared.

But that would never happen of course. He'd be too much of a coward to do something like that. Besides, he would never have feelings for him like that, and that would ruin everything they ever had. And it was just a stupid little crush that he'd get over eventually, so what's the point?

The other boy didn't look up at him for a long time. His eyes shifted from their hands to somewhere else around the room, but not at him. It looked like he was trying to decide whether he wanted to say anything or not. The brunette looked at their hands again, starting to realize that the other boy's were getting quite clammy and shaky. He squeezed them, and kept rubbing his thumb along the small patch of pale skin between Jeff's forefinger and thumb in slow, reassuring swipes.

"It's okay," he cooed. "You can tell me anything." he reassured. He finally met his gaze, and gave him a broken smile.

"I'm broken," his voice cracked as he said this. "And I've never told anyone why. People have always just assumed I don't want to tell anyone, I guess. But I do. I hoped for so long that I could have someone to talk to about this, but I never thought anyone would care," he swallowed. "But now I see that you care, and so I want to tell _you_." Nick felt his heart fly up into his throat as he said that. It felt like the greatest honor that he was the first, and only one to talk to about whatever he was going to talk about. It made him feel good. Like he could be there for someone, and maybe he would have someone be there for him in return.

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff<strong>

The boy felt a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach as soon as he said it, but again he wasn't quite sure what it was. At this point, he wasn't quite sure of anything. He didn't know why he was about to spill pretty much everything about his life to him, putting himself in all kinds of dangerous situations. His feelings and current well being were at stake now, and he wasn't sure if he would be able to do it. How could he even begin to explain it to Nick? He took a deep breath, and squeezed the boy's hands.

"I have never had a friend in my whole entire life. No one. Not even an imaginary friend, because I knew they'd just leave me. So I really don't get why you're not leaving me. I'm not worth it." he choked out. He knew that he wasn't okay, that he wasn't right in the head. And he didn't know if he ever would be. He had to hurt himself in order to feel something, or to stop from feeling. Someone in their right mind would never do that. It wasn't right, but it was what he felt like he had had to do to cope with reality. And it wasn't like it made a difference or anything. He really was worthless. That's what his parent's always told him, so why should he believe any differently?

Everyone always left him, always threw him away like a used Kleenex. He had deserved all of the pain. He was usually always hurting, but he couldn't find any logical way to deal with any of it. How do you cope with pain that's in your head? How do you deal with all of the sorrow and anger and hurt in your heart? Jeff did know how to deal with all the struggles in his life, and everything that clogged his head with so much hurt. But he knew how to deal with the physical pain. The burn marks, the lashes from his father's belt, the cuts from his razor, _everything_. It was easy for him to deal with those since it was a daily occurrence, and he knew how to cope with that.

Other times it was just so overwhelming for him. He didn't even know how to begin thinking through all of it. There was just so much pain, so much hurt, how could one person -like Jeff- ever be able to deal with all of it? It would make him a bit dizzy just attempting to put it all together in his head. So he would need to focus, need something to keep him in reality, in what was really going on around him. The pain helped with that. It kept him from having to deal with the whole whirl of emotions he wasn't equipped to deal with by himself. But how could he even begin to explain that to Nick? He would just think he was disgusting. And he was. He didn't deserve to even be affiliated with some someone as great as Nick. Someone as pure, and innocent as him. Soon enough he would just pull him into his pity party, and soil him. Though, he supposed he wouldn't have to worry about that once Nick knew what he did to himself. He'd walk out of his life and never look back.

But there was something inside of him that kept him from wanting to say anything to him about it. Jeff didn't want him to leave, but he knew he deserved to be left behind like that. But God, he really wanted this. He wanted someone to talk to, and to have someone who would listen to him. That's all he could have ever wanted. Even if he could make the pain go away, he would rather have someone to turn to like Nick. Maybe before he had met him he would have chosen to make the hurt go away, but there was a certain something about him. He always felt safe around him, and when they were close like they were now, he had this amazing feeling inside of him. One like he never had before. That one feeling he had confirmed as good.

Suddenly he was taken out of his thoughts when Nick piped up at started talking.

"But you are worth it. You're worth a lot to me," Nick shrugged, pretending like what he said wasn't a big deal. But it was for Jeff.

"Thanks," he blushed a bit before continuing. He decided that he would just leave off talking about all of his scars for another time. He wouldn't be able to handle that now. He wouldn't be able to handle the sting rejection. He didn't know if he would ever be able to handle it, but especially right now he wouldn't be able to. But he had to talk about something. Something he could handle. Suddenly it came to him.

"But anyway, I guess I felt like this because of my parents. Because they pretty much think I'm a disappointment," his face fell as his throat started to tighten at the thought of his parents. He didn't know what he would be able to say about them. He certainly couldn't say anything about where all of his scars and bruises came from, and why they were there. Jeff looked back into Nick's eyes, and could feel tears start to burn in his own. _Don't break down, Jeff. Just don't. That's not going to make this whole confession thing better for either of you._

"I don't think I've told you about them a lot, have I?" Nick shook his head. He sighed, letting go of one of his hands to rub his forehead. "Well, they both have very high reputations, and they take a crapload of pride in that. So me being, well... me apparently just ruins their reputations. So they take it upon themselves to do everything in their power to change me," he gave a broken laugh, looking on the other boy's face for his reaction. His eyes widened a bit, and he looked around, like he was hiding something too. Something about his parents. But he didn't say anything. He just nodded.

"So, uhm, they pretty much don't like me for me. And that really sucks, because your parents are supposed to love you no matter what, but they _don't_." he spat out, balling his fist. "So they try to make me just like them, so they can have a son to be proud of. A son who isn't such a disappointment. They want the perfect little boy who gets all A's, and goes out with all the nice, respectable girls, and has a ton of friends, and who is polite and well-mannered, and who doesn't embarrass them all the time," his throat closed up now, and he tried desperately to try to swallow that damn lump that was only getting bigger, when he heard Nick's voice.

"Me too." he said, pushing his back against the wall. "My mom tried to change me a long time ago. She'd make me play football with my brothers, who proceeded to all beat me up several times," he nervously looked down then, nibbling on his bottom lip. "And she used to do everything in her power to change me, because apparently the Duvals were supposed to be strapping young men, who all dated the pretty girls and so on and so forth. But she just couldn't have a gay son, so she pretty much disowned me." he finished, shutting his eyes tight. So they were both on the same boat there. That made him feel so much better. Now he had someone who cared about him, and who had a bit of understanding where he was coming from. But Nick didn't seem like the person to beat himself up over it like he did. He didn't seem as broken as he was.

Jeff let go of his hand, and laid back, resting his head on the other boy's lap. "I'm really sorry, Nicky." he muttered, staring up at him. "It's okay," he replied, shrugging it off. It was like inside he didn't really care. But he could see it in his eyes about how upset he was about it. It must have been hard for him to say that. He didn't seem like one who would spill out his feelings either.

"You know what, Nicky? I try really hard to be the perfect son. I try so my dad won't hate me so much. But he just hates me. And God, I don't know what he'd think of me if I ever came out to him," his stomach tightened at the very thought of it. It was something he thought about a lot. He couldn't even imagine the amount of pain that would bring of his coming out of the closet. His father hated the homosexuals. He said it was a sin to humanity if you loved someone of the same gender. But it wasn't just the gays that he hated. He hated everyone below him. The lower class, the middle class, or just anyone who didn't look right to him. So he had to strive to be the perfect son for him, but on the inside he wasn't. But most of the time, his normal, eccentric self would come out, and that would bring his parents to drinking. And to popping pills. So their inner monsters -monsters scarier than the ones they were when they were taking him to see films about how everyone who wasn't a perfect Christian like them would go to Hell- would come out, and he had the bruises and scars to prove it. It was like he could use those permanent marks on his skin to prove anything to anyone.

He hated that he couldn't be who his father wanted, but at the same time he really didn't want to be like that boring shell he had tried to form himself into to make him happy. But he didn't want to be who he was now, even if it was someone that Nick actually seemed to like. And just the fact that he liked him for him made him feel amazing, but extremely guilty that he didn't want to be that person anymore. But maybe it would be better for him if he was the person that he kept hidden inside along with the broken person he was right now.

When he looked back up, Nick had a confused expression on his face. Sure, he understood that he was scared to come out, but he wasn't quite sure why. "He hates the gays, Nicky. And anyone below him. He hates all of them. And he tries to make me believe everything he believes by making me watch stuff about how 'God hates all fags' or about how 'it's a sin if one is attracted to someone of the same sex, and that all children who are this way should be severely tortured because God doesn't want them to live because they are an abomination,'" Jeff couldn't even imagine what kind of torture he'd be in if he found out he was gay. The torture he got now was enough to be close to killing him at times.

Jeff closed his eyes, trying to make the images get out of his head, when he heard the crack of a belt.

* * *

><p><em>"You little fuck! After all the fucking things I do for-" hiccup "-you... this is how you fucking repay me?"<em>

_"Dad! I didn't do anything wrong! I was just talking to-"_

_"Oh, shut up already!" he slaps the young boy across the face, and he yelps. "You're whiny voice_ _is fucking killing my high." he spits in his face, and kicks his shins, making him fall to the ground. "Let's just get this over with."_

_Jeff looks away, hot tears brimming on his eyelashes and falling down his face as he tries not to let his sobs be so loud._

_"Stop crying you little son of a bitch!" he kicks him in his ribs, "You're not a baby. If you were a-" hiccup "-baby again, I would've thrown you into the street." The man stretches out his leather belt, then hits it against the wall. Somewhere in the other room his mother is watching TV, without really watching it. She is so numb off of her pills that her vision is blurred, and she doesn't care that her only son is being beaten in the other room._

_"Then why don't you throw me out into the streets now?" the young boy spits out. He knows why though. Without him around, his father would no longer have his own personal punching bag. Also, his reputation would be at stake. If it weren't for those factors, Jeff would be rotting in the street by now.  
><em>

_"Because I love seeing you in pain, m'boy." Jeff snorts. M'boy. He lost the right of being his son a long time ago. The first time he hit him, actually._

_"You are sick," he retorts. His father just stands tall above him and laughs. He is in such a drunken haze right now that he doesn't care that he has been insulted. If Jeff said that and he was sober, he would never hear the end of it from either of his parents._

_"You're no better than a... than a... fag! You are a sin to humanity. You don't deserve to live." the older man said roughly. But he wasn't there to insult him, he was there to cause him the worst pain imaginable, even though the pain inside that he was feeling right now was pretty bad._

_Suddenly there was a loud crack of the belt, and the blonde felt a sharp pain on his back. Then on the back of his head, that made his head bash against the wall. His father bent down and turned him around, taking a bit of the blood now gushing from head, and putting it on his finger. A devilish smile spread across his face as he licked the drop of blood off of his finger, and before Jeff could even blink, hit his chest with the belt. The lash stung more than any of the others, it felt like he just had the wind knocked out of him.  
><em>

_Soon his father got tired of the belt and resulted to using his feet to finish the deed. The young boy just sat there and took it though. There was nothing much else he could do. Now he lay in the feedle position on the ground, trying to hold himself together as his fathers shoes started grinding into him as he kicked him, using more force with each blow. After a while he got tired of kicking, and bent down to the boy._

_"You are no longer my son," he whispered in his ear. Suddenly Jeff felt the urge to scream, but nothing came out as his father wrapped his hand around his neck, and lifted him off the ground. He pushed him against the wall, looking him straight in the eye. The blonde wished he could scream out for help, even though he knew it would never come. _

_Once again, before the boy could even react, his father pulled a gun out of his pocket, and held it threateningly against his temple. Jeff's eyes widened and he started to sob uncontrollably. He gasped for breath as his vision got even blurrier. He tried to look into his father's eyes, as if to trigger something in him to say "don't do this."_

_But he knew that certain something wasn't there anymore. He knew that it would be a piece of cake for him to just pull the trigger and end his son's life. Jeff tried to compile his thoughts together, but he couldn't. He was falling apart and there would be no one to pick up the pieces. He was going to die. He knew it. His father wouldn't have the decency left in him to spare his life._

_Then, the unbelievable happened. He heard the gun drop to the ground, and soon enough his own body fell almost lifelessly to the ground as well._

_Jeff screamed then. He screamed because of the pain, because he wished someone would hear him, because he got this close to dying. But he wasn't dead._

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff<strong>

"Jeff... JEFF!" Nick's voice seemed to scream, as if he was trying to raise his voice higher than another. That's when he realized that he himself was screaming. "Jeff, are you okay?" he asked, his eyes more worried than he had ever seen them. The blonde shook his head violently, as he clung onto the other boy as if his very life depended on it. Just then, after thinking that he had cried all of his tears, he cried again. His hot tears soaking into the other boy's shirt.

His whole body shook, but he felt numb. He grabbed onto the back of the brunette's shirt, as if he was going to disappear if he didn't hold him down. Soon a strong pair of arms wrapped around him, and his whole body hurt. Jeff kept feeling the other boy's body, to make sure he was real. And he was. He was real, and he was there. And he wasn't dead. And now maybe had something to live for. Now he had someone who was worried about him, and he wasn't dead. He was so grateful in that moment for his father not killing him. Before he was horribly angry and upset for causing him so much pain, but in the end he wasn't dead.

He wasn't dead.

And Nick was real.

And even though he was supposed to feel terrible, he was surprisingly happy.

He was in caring arms.

And my God, he wasn't dead.

And he wouldn't give up this feeling right now for anything.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Uhm, well I hope I didn't kill any of y'all with this chapter. And hopefully** **you guys sort of kind of liked it. I'd like to give a special thanks to my bb Jolene, for helping me with some of this chapter. Also, the song I used at the beginning is called _Slowly Falling _sung by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. Feel free to review!**


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